Educating the Wheelers

I want a garden.

Most of our grocery bill goes to produce — fresh, frozen, or dried. Our kids will be homeschooled, so it’s an obvious project for them to help with. Our backyard is about a half acre, fenced, and there’s not a whole lot going on back there once you get past the decks and the playscape.

So why don’t I have a garden?

Odocoileus virginianus, the dreaded white-tailed deer.

Our house is on the deer superhighway right between two wooded, wild areas. There are some mornings when I’ll look out and see two dozen of them in our front or back yard. Unfortunately, our 8-10 [?] foot tall privacy fence only extends about halfway back into our backyard, it’s a 3 footer for the remaining, and they jump over that with ease.

So I can’t just slap together a nice little Square Foot Gardening square and call it a day with a little quickie experiment. Unless, of course, I want fatter and happier deer.

I don’t relish the idea of building a tall fence to enclose a garden, like all my neighbors have had to do. And I’m not sure how big I’d want to make it — I certainly don’t want to ever have to expand it once it’s up. I have too many memories of spending summers at my grandparent’s house, expanding the deer fence every year. Heh.

And then there’s the whole new-child-being-born-in-two-months thingy. I think I’ll be waiting until next year. Heh.

We had a comment on Part I of this post asking what I think are the barebones necessities for the frugal mom with a new baby on the way.

A few obligatory disclaimers: this is what worked for us, your mileage may vary, and my list is way, way shorter than most you will read elsewhere. On the other hand, I’m not trying to sell you anything. [Though for full disclosure, I do have Amazon Associates links in this post, so decide for yourself whether I’m trying to sell you anything. Heh heh.]

With that out of the way, here’s what I learned from our experience, in rough order of importance:

• A car seat: Get a good car seat, be smart but not too cheap, if you know what I mean. It’s worth it to buy new. There are two routes you can go here at the beginning. You can get one of those detachable rear-facing guys for a hundred bucks or so that you use for about the first year, or you could get a more expensive [200-300, usually] convertible type that’ll last you until the wee one is about 5 years old. We ended up choosing the detachable one — a Graco SnugRide, I believe — and then got a Britax when she was reading to go forward facing. This is a more expensive route to go, HOWEVER — when you are dealing with the youngest of the youngins, they are always going to be falling asleep in the car on you. It is a very, very good thing to be able to just detach the seat and go rather than having to unhook them and take them out of the seat and probably wake them up. [Terri’s #2 Rule of Parenting: Never ever wake a sleeping baby unless you really, really have to. A baby’s sleep is your very best friend. Heh.]
• Diapers: Disposable or Cloth, I have no dog in that fight. Choose whatever works best for you, I’m not going to judge you, and please feel free to ignore anyone else who tries to. *** But whichever route you go, make sure you have about 2 weeks worth on hand at the beginning so you don’t have to worry about having to restock during those early whirlwind days. Don’t buy too many at the outset, because you don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of really small newborn diapers that your 10lb kid grew out of in a week! Etc. To stave off diaper rash, this is what worked for us: remove diaper, clean up with wipes, pat dry with a washcloth, apply some generic A&D style ointment, then replace with clean diaper.
• Baby Clothes: Hand me downs or garage sales are totally the way to go. Again, it’s real easy — especially in the hormone flush of pregnancy — to get all emotionally attached to that adorable 20 dollar outfit. But your kid will likely only wear it for a few months, and you don’t even want to know what all sorts of substances are going to stain and soak that thing almost immediately after you put it on him/her. Since this is your first kid, go the green/yellow/orange route so you can use them with all your succeeding kids and don’t have to do the whole “How old is your son?” “Er, she was born 2 weeks ago” dance with strangers because she’s in a blue jumpsuit, or vice versa.

  Additionally, plain clothes with no frills, ruffles or other weird things are the way to go. A nice soft cotton footie pyjama style jumper, preferably with snaps all the way down both legs will make your life easier during diaper changes. You don’t need too many, depending on how often you do laundry, though it’s better to have too many than too few if you end up having a 5-diaper-blowout day. Heh. And a nice little hat for the first few weeks is also recommended, and should be cheap and easy to find.

• Swaddling Blankets: These are awesome. We had one of those kids that needed swaddling to soothe, and unfortunately you don’t know if you’ve got one of those until they’re here, so it’s worth having them on hand just in case. And if it turns out they’re not the swaddling type, you’ll end up finding a dozen other uses for them, so it’s not a total wash. Again, the hand-me-down or garage sale route is the best way to go. Get a handful of the smaller size — around 2′ by 2′ — and a few of the larger size — around 3′ by 3′ — because they’ll outgrow the smaller swaddling blankets fairly quickly.
• Teeny Tiny Nail Clippers: Those nails grow quick, and they are razor sharp! You’ll want to get 2-3 of these to start with because if you’re anything like me, you’ll constantly be misplacing them.
• Breast Pump, Freezer Bags, Etc: If we’re going the frugal route, formula is definitely not the way to go. But, you still need to prepare for the possibility of not always being able to breastfeed when your baby is hungry. If at all possible, I’d get one before your child is born, for a few reasons. First, you might end up in a position like us when Audrey couldn’t latch at all after birth and had to be syringe and finger fed pumped breast milk and then had bottled breast milk or fed on a breast shield until she was 3 months old. I had to pump every 2 hours around the clock in those days and counted my blessings that we had a good pump. But even if your child latches like a champ from the get go, you still want to keep some spare milk in the freezer “just in case.” Go with what you can afford, but it is sort of a “you get what you pay for” market. The Medelas are worth the price, if you can swing it.
• Sling: Mine was worth its 100 times its weight in gold. [Hey, they’re light!] Being able to “hold” your baby but have both hands free … I cannot overemphasize what a huge difference this makes. Cheaper and easier and more versatile than a stroller. Plus, once you get used to it you can learn how to discreetly nurse in public while they’re in the sling, and that makes your life even that much easier.
• Nursing Tops: Speaking of nursing in public … with practice, you will learn how to discreetly nurse in any old loose-fitting top, but at the very beginning until you’re confident, a nursing top or two is helpful. But if you practice at home, you’ll figure it out quickly.
• UPDATED TO ADD: I just remembered: a rectal thermometer and some vaseline will also be handy if you suspect a fever. But nothing else is coming to me off the top of my head.

Honestly, everything else is gravy. You don’t need a changing table, you don’t need a crib — though if anyone in your bed is a heavy sleeper, you’ll want to look into getting a Snuggle Nest for peace of mind in the first few months. You don’t need mobiles, you don’t need a Diaper Genie — how hard is it to put a diaper in a plastic grocery bag and bring it out to the garbage? Plus, if you’re breastfeeding, baby poop doesn’t smell bad until they start eating other stuff. It smells kind of like sour milk. You don’t need a pack-n-play, you don’t need a high chair, you don’t need a swing. You don’t need a baby bath tub, wash them in the sink with a folded towel on the bottom like our grandparents did. Heck, you don’t even need soap for several weeks! You don’t need toys, you don’t need a special “diaper bag” — a cheap backpack from a thrift store will do you fine to hold an extra outfit or two, a swaddle blanket and some diaper changing gear when you go out.

More important than any equipment is human support. Your mom, your sister, your friend, your neighbor — a friendly looking new mom that you spy in public! — reach out! Do it! I am an extremely introverted, solo homebody in my normal life, but this transition period after your first child is born is very very rough while you adjust, and I don’t believe mothers were ever meant to go it alone. Unfortunately, with the rise of geographically-scattered extended families and the like, many new moms are isolated and life is much, much harder than it should be at first. Especially if you are a stay at home mom who’s alone with the baby 8-10 or more hours a day.

*** My #1 Rule of Parenting is to trust yourself. You are going to find that many people are both insecure and very emotionally attached to the choices that they make/made as a parent and thus see people who are making different choices as indirectly criticizing their own choices. But parenting is NOT black and white — keep an open mind, use whatever works for you and almost always, what your gut and instinct tells you will be right. Just nod and smile at the complete strangers who will come up to you and tell you that what you’re currently doing is all wrong. Why normally sane and polite people do this completely mystifies me [though I am sure it is at least partially related to what I wrote above].

As we are coming upon the third trimester for the next baby, I’ve been taking a look at what the costs associated are going to be.

Almost all of Audrey’s old clothes and swaddling blankets were yellow, green or orange, so he’s good to go for a long, long time clothes-wise. He’ll be in bed with us in the Snuggle Nest [like Audrey was] until he’s robust enough to sleep without worry of being rolled onto. Not that that has ever been an issue for us — I am an extremely light sleeper and perhaps too in tune with where the little ones are when I’m next to them. But there’s no reason not to be safe, anyways. He’ll be on the other side of me than Audrey so I shouldn’t need to worry her rolling on top of him, either. Good thing we have a big bed. The cat will just have to be content at Andrew’s feet.

Audrey’s car seat is still good [and no recalls], we never used the stroller or crib anyways [maybe we should sell them?], and my old sling didn’t get too stained, so I don’t think I need a new one of those, either.

As long as we *knock on wood* don’t have any complications with the birth, it shouldn’t be too expensive. Babies just don’t need that much. Heh.

We have pretty good insurance through Andrew’s work that would pay for the vast majority of a hospital birth for our babies. For Audrey, we went to a regular OB for about 6 months … but we clashed so bad that we “fired” him and started looking at other options.

[I’m a stocky midwestern girl, and he insisted that because I was so overweight to start with, I could only gain 15 lbs the whole pregnancy, and was a paternalistic %$&###$ when I *gasp* had gained 10 lbs over the course of 6 months. Here’s a photo of me at 9 months pregnant, where he would have been apoplectic, because I had gained around 30 or 40 lbs. I don’t even know for certain, because that last appointment with him was the last time I stepped on a scale. For what it’s worth, I was back in my old jeans and clothes before Audrey was 3 months old, so … well, don’t even get me started on that guy. Suffice to say, we kicked him to the curb.]

When we found our midwife, we were thrilled to discover that our insurance would cover 60% — because she’s “out of network” — there doesn’t appear to be such a thing as an “in network” midwife, of course. Heh. She charged a 3k flat fee for her services, so we paid less than 2k. And it was worth every penny. On the upside, this time around, we knew we’d be going the same route, so we were able to max out our Health Savings Account for this year to cover it.

My parents never talked to us about money when we were growing up. In fact, the only thing I can recall is that when we got our checking accounts in out teens, they would be on the lookout for the telltale “overdraw” notices from the bank in the mail, and laugh at us when they inevitably came. Responsibility by humiliation, I guess. Heh.

I started college at 16 and remember vividly my prof in my College Algebra course walking in one day and announcing that we would spend the day talking about compound interest, because he wished that someone had explained it to him at our age. It left a powerful impact on me — one of the few lectures I remember vividly from that year. [I also recall my philosphy professor exclaiming “God is dead!” re: Nietzsche and getting mad that no one was riled up. Hey, lady, we’re 3.5 hours into a Monday 6-10 evening class. You’re going to have to do better than that…]

Of course, I didn’t immediately apply those lessons to my life, because I was an idiot. But he was the first one to get the seed planted.

Andrew and I will be homeschooling our children, and I spend a lot of time thinking about how to start talking to them about money earlier on. Some things are obvious — raise them in a frugal environment! But then there is the issue of allowance and deciding how much to let them know about the family finances. As I mentioned above, my own family kept all of that opaque and I didn’t know anything about anything until, well, my 20s after I’d been on my own for awhile and made huge financial mistakes. I honor my parents’ decision on that matter, but I don’t think I want to go down that route with my own kids.

Over at 2million’s site, we’ve been discussing in his comments about the fallacy of having kids blowing your budget. I believe that just the culturally entrenched ideas that if you get married you have to have the diamond and white dress and all that crap, there are similar ideas about babies.

So, if you have a baby, you have to have a crib, a stroller, a changing table, cute little brand new outfits, bottles, formula, a mobile, jarred baby food, all that junk. And that junk is expensive. And all of it falls under “want” vs. “need.” You hardly even think of them as choices, because “everyone” does it. *** We have a few things on that list. We found we hardly used any of it, and what we did use, we could have easily done without.

Now with one toddler, and another child a few months away, we spend less than we did before our first child was born. How is that possible? Well, we don’t go out as much anymore, for one thing. And it’s harder to do things like watch movies, so we certainly don’t go to the theater, and we rarely get dvds anymore, either. Becoming parents made us even more of homebodies than we were, and that is not an expensive lifestyle to maintain.

*** I’m not going to go into the whole “But I couldn’t breastfeed!” angle. If you’re sensitive about this — and some people really, really are — I’m not making moral judgements here. Some small percentage of women really can’t, and I have friends in that category. But for everyone else it’s a choice, an expensive one, and that’s the point of this post. Our baby couldn’t latch for the first three months of her life. I had to pump every two hours around the clock to bottle feed her expressed milk, so I know about overcoming nursing difficulties.

Audrey is really interested in cooking. I suppose since I do quite a bit of it, she wants to know what the heck Mom is up to.

Her first “recipe” that she learned and has been able to make [with help] in the last few weeks is guacamole, which she charmingly calls “avocado seed” after the first step of cutting the avocado in half and popping the seed out.

Today she was rummaging through my stash of Christmas cookie ingredients and fixated on the white almond bark. She brought it to me and said, “Audrey cook.” So, we melted it down on low in a heavy bottomed pan and then stirred in a cup of peanut butter. Into a pan and then into the fridge. Boy, was she thrilled a few hours later when she got to eat her first piece of “fudge.”

Later on, she helped me make a lentil/brown rice salad, and then jambalaya for dinner. She’s really starting to get in there and help!

Today is Audrey’s 2nd birthday! We had two of her play buddies over this morning, and that was a hoot — 3 toddlers is enough to fill a house, that’s for sure!

We also had our ultrasound yesterday, and everything seems to be in its right place and all that, which is always a relief. I’m not exactly getting too old for this stuff, as they say, yet — but I’m creeping up there in age, and you begin to worry about this kind of thing.

Oh, and it’s a boy!

Audrey has been learning up a storm lately.

She knows her alphabet [and can sing the song!] and letter sounds, knows the numbers 1-10 solid and loves to count things, and knows a huge number of general vocabulary words — great since she lagged way behind in communication for awhile there. In the last few days, her favorite activity bar none has been playing with Tux Paint on her Dad’s tablet computer. She has it totally nailed. She can start the program, use almost any of the tools or brushes and start new pages. She likes to draw faces, rainbows and umbrellas. She’s not even 2! It blows my mind.

I used to cook a lot before I had kids. And then after Audrey was born, I had to learn a whole new ballgame. Different recipes, different techniques. Nothing too elaborate — and most importantly! — something that could be broken down into a lot of atomic operations that were not too time dependent. For instance, there was a short period of time when I never cooked pasta because invariably I would be tied up in something when it was time to drain the pasta. This sort of thing reached its peak during 14-20 months, the clingiest, highest need period of her toddlerhood.

And then something magical happened a few weeks ago [Don’t ask, because I’m not even sure what], and now not only can we get tasks done around the house, but she’s a big helper. [Her first recipe mastered was guacamole. Oh, how she loves guacamole.]

But this now opens up a lot of new options for us, and allows us a lot more latitude in eating healthier and much more frugally. Right now, I’d say our food budget is down at least 50% from when I started really working on getting it down.