Money as a Tool
Though I’m able to keep a detached bemusement about it all, I had forgotten how grim post-partum depression can be, particularly for a fairly isolated stay-at-home mom. It is not helped by the fact that our children are, bless ‘em, “high need.” Owen howls if he is not constantly held. I know there are different schools of thought on how to handle those types of kids, and I don’t have a dog in that ideological fight, but in our household, his disposition means that my hands are never free. [The PP depression is not helped at all by his fussiness. Both of my children have been soothed when other people hold them and fuss when I do. The books tell you that it’s common to think “the baby hates me!” when you have pp depression, but I tell ya, my babies hate me. Heh.***]
Thankfully, this is a problem that you can help — though not completely alleviate — by throwing money at it.
I’ve managed to scrounge up a neighborhood girl who can come by once or twice a week for 3 hours and for 5 dollars an hour, she’ll play with my 2 and a half year old while I tend to the newborn, or if by the grace of God he is sleeping, I can take a shower or do laundry or something, anything.
There are no other babysitters in our neighborhood that haven’t already turned me down for being too busy, so I also occasionally hire a post-partum doula 1-2x a week for 4 hour shifts on weeks that the babysitter can’t help, and she’ll handle one or both kids, or do housework for me. That’s 15 dollars an hour.
I usually end up having some sort of help twice a week. So it’s not cheap, that’s for sure. But I keep reminding myself that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And I just have to keep myself sane until we get there.
*** At least I can look to Audrey’s example to know that he’ll grow out of it. He’s already starting to, thank God.
Rochelle said,
June 23, 2006 @ 2:58 am
You could try a sling to carry Owen in–it might help. Never tried one myself (being that I only have two nephews), but I’ve heard good things about it. http://www.mayawrap.com/ is one website that doesn’t seem to be too expensive (I’ve seen simple ones going for $80!) It’ll let you use your hands, own gets held, everyone wins
Terri said,
June 23, 2006 @ 6:29 am
Ah, yeah. I should have mentioned that. We used slings with Audrey, and that was a big boon. We started with a Sling-Ezee, and then migrated to a Baby Bjorn eventually, which she loved and we used until she just got too darn heavy.
We used the Sling-Ezee with Owen for a few days, but then he grew so much that he didn’t like the lying down position anymore, but we couldn’t get him into any other position yet because he doesn’t have enough neck control. I’m able to get him into the Baby Bjorn facing inward, but not for too long because it gets too hot. Funny enough, Andrew can get him in the Bjorn [he doesn’t seem to give off as much heat as I do], but only facing outward. No pillows, I guess. Heh.
Mom2fur said,
June 23, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
When my 3rd was a baby, he’d go into these screaming jags for hours at a time. The only way to calm him down was to undress him down to his diaper, and then lay him on my husband’s chest–skin to skin. Even nursing didn’t help during those times, and boy…did I feel inadequate! But you’re right…they do outgrow it.
I’m glad you’re hiring that doula to help you. Yes, it’s money you wish you didn’t have to spend. But think of it as an investment in your sanity, and that makes $15/hour a bargain!
Jenn said,
June 23, 2006 @ 5:26 pm
I’m glad that you are getting the help that you need. Don’t feel the least bit guilty about it, this is a NEED, not a WANT. . ..
sashwee said,
June 25, 2006 @ 1:44 am
I don’t know if you already know about it, but I’ve been reading some interesting things about omega-3s and ppdepression. You might want to do some research. I’m using spirulina and flaxseed and -oil as a preventative measure.