Wedding Presents
Wedding presents just don’t make much sense to me anymore. It used to be that people married when they were coming out of high school and leaving their parents’ house for the first time. They had little money and needed to outfit their new homes, and getting some pots and pans or a toaster would have been a real blessing.
The vast majority of people I know have gotten/are getting married in their late twenties/early to mid-thirties these days. So we’ve got two people who have been living on their own in their own places for about 10 years and already have bought everything they need to live comfortably. In fact, since it’s generally the melding of two independent 10-year-old households, there’s an overabundance of stuff to start with and there are several large donations to Goodwill. Most of the bridal registries I’ve seen look like an opportunity to upgrade to shinier and spiffier stuff rather than to help them get started with the necessities of life.
On the flipside, you now have late teenage and early twenties folks out on their own having to buy all this stuff for themselves right about the time when they have the least amount of disposable income until they start having their kids.
I’m not saying the answer is for everyone to go back to marrying their high school sweetheart right after graduation. [Lord knows I’m glad I’m not married to anyone I dated in high school! Or college, for that matter.] And I’m not just trying to wiggle out of buying wedding gifts because I’m cheap. [No, really!] But it seems like the tradition doesn’t much match the reality anymore.
Amy said,
June 13, 2006 @ 12:07 pm
Amen! You are not the only one that feels this way. I get so mad when I am out buying gifts for people and the cheapest thing that they have registered for is a twenty-five dollar spoon set. This is particularly maddening when they have been living together for four years and have a ten dollar spoon set that works just fine.
We actually printed out a registery for a couple who had registered for a giant flat screen television. When asked why that was on the registry- well, because they figured maybe a few couples could go in on it and he really wanted one…hmmmm….there is just something wrong with that picture.
I did marry my high school sweetheart and we had nothing- not even a pot or a pan. Registering was great and we registered for things that we knew people could afford. Bigger ticket items (like fine china) were also available, but not a requirement. We married out of college and people seemed to enjoy giving to us and we were greatly appreciative of what we received…
Kim said,
June 13, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
Well, the $45 set of pots and pans that I got as a sophomore in college weren’t doing so well after 8 years of use, and the Corelle dinnerware from Target was also chipping and I only had service for four. DH came with nothing (he always used his roommate’s stuff). So shinier and spiffier were definitely part of my decision, but quality more than anything. My parents’ pots and pans have lasted the 33 years since they’ve been married and I’m hoping our set will do anywhere close to that.
The biggest ticket item on our registry was the Kitchenaid Mixer. I didn’t actually expect to get one, but my aunt and grandmother went in on it together because they had been using theirs forever and ever and thought it would be great for me, too. So far I’ve made one cake in the 4 mos. we’ve been married.
Lin said,
June 13, 2006 @ 6:55 pm
I’m with the above poster on quality We were both in our 30s when we married, each of us had a collection of hand-me-downs and garage sale/Salvation Army housewares that seen better days. So we were grateful for anything “new”
On the other hand, who says gifts have to be about housewares? Some of our friends gave us gift certificates to local restaurants and movie rentals … another friend gave us a gift certificate to a garden store.
Rochelle said,
June 16, 2006 @ 12:50 am
Agreed. I think the logic most couples getting married (who don’t need the stuff) think that the present is their reward for throwing such a great party. You get cake and an open bar, I get a cappaccino machine. Everybody wins! That said, I didn’t throw a big bash wedding, and I don’t expect presents from everybody either. While we could use everything, the distances involved make this a bit impractical.
What about practical presents though, such as contributions to a down payment on a house? If a couple has everything they need to set up a household, but no money to buy a house, would it be appropriate for them to nix the presents and just for contributions?